Thursday, June 26, 2014

Monkey Business

Dear President Business:[ii]

When we first met, I was in awe. It was the spell you cast on your followers— the way they’d stay up to all hours of the night waiting to get one moment of your time. Such power could only come from light, I thought.

It’s been said you are brilliant. I, too, was impressed by your ability to hold steadfast to a vision. A wise man in your midst once told me you were like the Wizard of Oz! If truth be told, I wanted to believe in your magic, especially at a time when my beloved field of education is in need of magic.

I told myself there’s nothing wrong with power and control if it can lead to good. What can be wrong with working for a man who has the power to get me back home? 

I put on a Monkey Suit for you, President Business. I did it willingly because I was sure it was the best I could do. I told myself I was President Obama, working with the men on the other side of the aisle.

But, people are afraid of those who know themselves. An enlightened woman cannot be enslaved.[iii] 

The more I believed in myself, the less time I spent at the alter of deference.
The more I spoke up for love, the less time I spent at the alter of workaholism.
The more I participated in conscientious engagement, the less time I spent at the alter of illusion.

Still, I was a willing soldier until the end. Not sure if the fight was right, but I believed I was fighting for what is mine.

Dear President Business:

The time has come to retire the monkey suit.

Perhaps one day you will realize you deserve freedom too.


***

        “Simply with complete conviction, I accept my freedom.” Ernest Holmes

                Dreaming is God’s gift to me. Without dreams, how does one survive? At night, pay attention to your dreams. Dreams are the language of God.[i]
                Last night I dreamed I was visiting a company.
                I arrive late but people are waiting for me in a circle. Amongst them, is my step-father, the man who taught me that conservative action has the most merit. Taking my seat, I pass a full length mirror.  I’m wearing a dress with many colors and I’m carrying a carpet bag shaped like a kidney bean. My hair’s disheveled and my eyes are bright and exciting. I’m a cross between Mary Poppins  and Willy Wonka.
                “You look unique,” my step father said inspecting my outfit.
                I take my place in the circle. I feel confident that what I hold in my bag will astound them, but as the dream progresses, I realize I had forgotten my folder. It was the folder that held all my important papers, education designs and the research I had accumulated over the years.
                At first I get anxious, but when I look around, I see the people in the circle are dressed equally inventive just like me. Each one has on a different color, each one distinctive.  One fellow, for example, wears purple glasses and a tie over a t-shirt. Realizing my audience, I ask, “What exactly do you guys do here?”
                One woman sits at the edge of her seat, listening. I talk to her about my last project and she says “We’re doing that already.” I realize I don’t need my briefcase filled with papers.  All the contents are old and useless. I get the sense she’s looking for something that doesn’t fit in a folder.
                She is looking at me, anticipating.
                 “What do you guys do here, exactly?” I repeated.

***



[i] The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
[ii] The Lego Movie
[iii] “The Rebel,” Osho

Sunday, June 01, 2014

Through the Looking Glass

I was born into this life time with no money but I swear I must’ve been rich before. Not once or twice rich, but a thousand times rich, like over and over. The piss of it is, I've now been reduced to the life of a voyeur. As I peer through the looking glass, I feel my pulse slow down. That familiar calm washes over me. Like when I walk down a super-wide chestnut tree lined street with mansions and manicured shrubbery. I feel perfectly at home. Fancy restaurants don’t scare me. On the contrary! I feel magnanimous. Especially when I get up to go to the bathroom. I glide past onlookers, keeping my eye on the tall windows that overlook the moon lit water, thinking the whole time I'm beautiful and free. Then, when I’m washing my hands with lavender bubbles and dry them on a perfectly folded laundered cloth—I'm a flower and I come out taller and with a sense of purpose. Five star hotels and quiet white sand beaches make me purr like a cat and all I want to do is nuzzle up with someone and think about making love. There, in the riches, the sun is always out even when it’s raining.  

Those are the times when it’s easy to ruminate about God and nature and the art of floating.

My life's not easy now.  I get smacked with guilt because my mind wanders to my past lives with such deep, deep longing. I chastise myself and try to convince myself that I must learn to master the art of compassion for the common man. That in mundane drudgery I'll find God. But, I don’t understand their humor. And if you can’t laugh then you’re just a sorry shit.

The truth of the matter is, being poor makes me angry. Not only are things darker and grey and broken and harder and longer and crowded—poor people are brainwashed, too. They believe that there’s some virtue in suffering. As if to be a better person you have to leave the kingdom for after you’ve died. They seem to think that wanting nothing is the door to spirituality.

That’s bull shit.

Giving up wealth is not the same as never having it. If you think Tolstoy or Gandhi.

The truth is, if you’re worried about the basic things in life, you have no time to think about anybody but yourself. Abundance is free for the taking, folks—I know because I’ve lived it before and it’s simply amazing. I did a lot of good in the world while I was free of debt and free of suffering. I had love to give, endless bounty.

So, what the hell? Why was I born into this lifetime with no money?
It must be one of God’s jokes. Maybe he wants to see how long it will take me to return to the natural state of things. Frankly, I’m anxious to get there quickly because this sure ain’t easy.